I like boring food. Taking me to a high-class restaurant is simply not worth the effort or cost because I’d just as soon have a pie and chips.
More so, I’ve seen menu items where I wouldn’t even eat the foods that form the dish, let alone the whole dish: ‘Hand rolled conchigliette over smoked pork jowl with sea urchin infused jus’. What?
Lately, my preference for boring food has led to some interesting dialogue with hipster waitresses:
‘Are you ready to order, sir?’
‘Yes, please. Could I have the smashed avo with poached eggs and bacon on sourdough but hold the avo.’
‘Sorry…you don’t want avo on the smashed avo hot breakfast plate?’
‘O-kay. And would you like a drink with that?’
‘Sure. A chocolate milkshake, please.’
‘Would you like dairy milk, goat’s milk, almond milk or coconut milk?’
‘I’d like dairy milk, please.’
‘Would you like full-cream, lite, skinny or lactose-free milk?’
‘I’d like normal milk from your fattest cow and with added lactose; I’m highly lactose tolerant.’
It reminds me of a time recently when I went to KFC and simply wanted to order some pieces of original recipe chicken. The far-too-perky lass at the counter caught me on a bad day:
‘Could I have three pieces of original recipe chicken, please?’
‘Would you like to try our hot and spicy chicken?’
‘No, I wouldn’t.’
‘Maybe you’d prefer our new wicked wings?’
‘No, I’m happy with nice wings.’
‘We do have a special offer on our popcorn chicken and twisters.’
‘That’s wonderful but do you happen to sell original recipe chicken?’
‘Yes, we do.’
‘How about you bring me three pieces of it, I’ll give you some money and we’ll both move on with our day.’
‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like to try our…’
‘I’m sure. Trust me. I am sure.’
Why do we feel the need to complicate things? Why do we take something that’s simple and straightforward and twist it until it’s not?
Some parts of the Church have even been guilty of doing this with belief in Jesus.
For someone wanting to become a Christian, their local church might tell them they have to attend some classes, read these books, study these parts of the Bible, meditate on the decision for a month, have a deep and meaningful conversation with the minister and, finally, sign on the dotted line somewhere.
But that’s not what the Bible says. In the letter written to the Church in Rome Paul says: ‘If you declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved’ (Romans chapter 10, verses 9–10).
Well, that seems fairly straightforward. There’s no avo, wicked wings or goat’s milk required; just an honest heart and a declaration of faith in Jesus.
Don’t complicate the decision. You could do it right now.